Saturday, September 29, 2007

The tale of Madness

Myself, Raggles and Jords went to the Kings Arms last thursday to get our hardcore on.
As with shows of this ilk The turn out was of course painfully late as everyone wanted to avoid the opening band (us included) so we found ourselves sitting outside, me chain smoking and the three of us bullshitting away as dudes do about sexual conquests, bands that kicked ass, and other things that men like us who dont give a fuck about sports teams or business talk about in such situations.
After the conversation had strayed to and away from pro wrestling and a debate on what a Chris Benoit action figure could be worth, a man walked past us.
He was what Billy Connelly would look like without fame or dental care, and a prediliction for alcoholism and heroin may well turn out becoming.
All three of us had a bit of a snigger at this poor cunts unfortunate appearance, and so I mumbled a howdy partner at him.Well, what came out of this mans voice box over the next 20 or so minutes was FANTASTIC.
His name was Harris and he had been an alcoholic for about 22 years and for the past 3 had also been back on the needle. He seemed awful proud of this and I did respect his candor.He told us how he lived above a factory just across the car park from the Kings Arms and the large concrete wall that had been built there was built for him so that he could sleep better.
He went on to tell us how he had spent years growing and selling huge quantities of pot and that he had spent time inside because of this. He mentioned one time how he got into a helicopter chase with police and only just made it away because his pilot was a vietnam vet, and that the police chopper would have run out of gas somewhere over King Country.
Then he continued to tell us of how he had since become a glazier and how he had developed a plyable glass that could be bent or curved with little hassle, and because of this the Americans wanted to kill him as it would surely ruin the automative industry, and that the Chinese had offered him millions so that they could cripple the American economy using his technology.
He claimed he was an Australian by birth but felt no loyalty to them and was going to give the technology to New Zealand for a cheaper price as he loved it here even if we had put him in prison once or twice...He also mentioned that Auckland was a city of disease and filth and how he thought we should be encased in a giant plyable glass dome.
Such a fascinating man.
Crazy people have such inventive and incurable stories.
However, I do hope he does not see the simpsons movie, otherwise he will be convinced the Americans stole his glass bubble idea...

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